Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
