hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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