just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
