Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
