Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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