K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
