Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize