he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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