its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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