so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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