hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
