I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
