got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
