my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
