so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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