Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
