A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
