my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
