if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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