You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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