I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
