So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
