I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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