No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
