I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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