you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
