my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
