So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
