fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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