The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think your dad took our porno
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
