i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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