i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
