This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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