It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
