It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
