need another drink. this is the easiest way
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just invented taco cereal.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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