Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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