obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
