when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
