Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
