Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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