Screwed.edu
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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