I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
