even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
