is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
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