my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
