What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
