Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
