I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
