I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
