dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
